Arguments

This afternoon, I had somewhat of an argument with a friend of mine. He messaged me, talking about a girl he liked, and how she had broken up with her boyfriend. I made the assumption that he would go on and on about how much he loved her, as he did the girl before her. So to avoid having to go through that, I said to him, "I really don't want to know. She broke up with her boyfriend, and that's their business. None of mine. Before you get all stalker-ish about her like you did the girl before you, please, don't talk about it at all. I don't want to know."

How rude I would think. But yet, he began to insult me, trying to annoy me, get a rise out of me. I smiled to myself and said, "You no longer have the power to hurt me."
He still went on calling me cruel, saying I shouldn't be so mean, that I shouldn't say that I don't care, and that I should be more considerate of his feelings.

Although I understood what he was saying, all I could think was "Who are YOU to call me cruel?" I wanted him to understand the difference between honestly and cruelty. Though his scales may be different, I felt he needed to know what mine looked like. So I replied his message which read, "Why do you have to be so cruel? I'm not stalker-ish or anything! You're so mean."

I replied, "Okay then, I hope you know, I'm not cruel, I just refuse to lie. I have the power to control my own actions, and I have the power to control what I do and do not hear of. I don't want to hear of how happy or sad you are about someone else's relationship. Don't get me wrong, I understand that because I said what I said, you feel I'm cruel. But I feel I'm honest. Would you rather me lie and say that I was so upset about it, when I wasn't?"

To which he replied, "Well you don't have to be so mean. I'm getting sick of everyone saying stuff like that to me! You guys are always calling me a stalker when I'm not!"

That's when I took a step back and realized that this argument wasn't about me, it was about how hurt he was. But me being so "cruel", I had no sympathy for him. I simply replied,"MMMKAY. Well here's the thing, why should my opinion matter to you? Why should my or anyone else's opinion change how you see yourself? I mean, my opinion is mine alone, it's not fact, nor fiction, it's just an opinion. I honestly think you're taking things a bit too far now."

The reason I said that he's taking things a little to far was because he was acting like some sort of stalker. He waited outside her classroom for her to come out every single class, and she would try to be nice, though she didn't like him that way, or so she said. He would whine about how he loved her and never got close to her. Who did he whine to? His friends, who wouldn't go to their friends when they're upset?

But let's get real, is it really cool that he would try to change himself to suit her, even though she had stated that she's not up for relationships right now? No, I don't think so. So because I made one comment, I was cruel? Because I stated my opinion when he had asked for it, I'm cruel? Because I spoke what I saw as the truth I was cruel? Because I didn't sugar coat things, I was cruel? No, I wasn't going to accept that.

He went on and on about how cruel I was, because I didn't feel sorry for everyone when something happened to them. But I just said to myself, "This is getting really pointless... Come to think of it, this whole argument isn't even about me, so why am I arguing, if he's not arguing with me?"

That's when I stated to him, "You know what? I'm not up for this. You're not arguing any valid points, nor are you arguing with me, so if you don't mind, I'm going to drop this. Pick your arguments with people that will uphold them, and then figure out who you're arguing with."

And I closed the window. I really was sick and tired of arguing with people.

I made a discovery today. That arguments take you nowhere. Especially when you're not arguing about the same thing. I was arguing my point, that he wasn't ready to accept. It's not even that he had to accept it, nor agree with it. He didn't have to do either. So I smiled at myself in the mirror, and realized that arguments bring me nowhere, I need not argue with anyone. I'm better off just walking away from it, and enjoying my day. So that's what I did.

I had a great, but short conversation with Bruno, and I'm so glad I did. I mean, Bruno helped me to realize this, but I didn't fully understand what he meant by if your needs are different, and they're not met, and a fight occurs, then nothing is going to happen. Today, I earned myself a full understanding of what he meant. After I walked away, I realized that Bruno helped me more than I thought. Usually, I would fight until I tore my opponent apart, but in this case, I left my "opponent" to vent all he wanted, just not at me. I decided that if he wanted to talk about something, he could do it without insulting anyone. So I sat and said, "If he wants to talk, he can when he's less upset." So that in itself, I've helped him, and myself.

So here, is where I'll take the opportunity to say thank you to Bruno LoGreco. You've made a HUGE difference in my life, and I'm so glad I met you. You're my best friend, my hug when I need one, and a slap in the face when I need to realize something. Thank you, I love you.

--SuperVixen