Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Roses And Butterflies

I don't know what it was today that triggered my manipulative sense, but for some reason I felt this time it would be different. Poor MelonHead. I really wanted to help him, but I turned off the manipulative sense, knowing it could only lead to horrible things. I heard him speak, but it wasn't him speaking. I think this is what Bruno meant by "They show up like white sheets!"

They really do. I've been noticing many people's egos and parts of them I never saw before I was aware of these ego things. Man, they're evil! The ones I've seen are. See, here's the thing Bruno, the Ego of MelonHead is taking over, and he's becoming the numbest, most opposite thing I've ever seen. Everything he says and does is contradicting what he used to say and do.

Yes, people change, but understand, I'm watching a really close friend, a brother almost, burning his own world to the ground. Being an inhabitant in his world, should I oppose the power that I see as evil? Or should I leave it be?

I decided to leave it be, simply because, if I change one little thing about that evil power, it could become more powerful, or it could change the world to a place that still isn't the same place it was before.

But still, he might be destroying his world to create a new one. But who am I to look into the mind of his intentions? Who am I to figure out what he really wants and help him get there? Who am I to try and change what is not mine to change? I am no one to do so.

Hence, I've left it be. As much as it hurts, I'm hoping it will come out for the better, and I really hope that he comes out on top. Because MelonHead, is someone I love, and I won't stand to watch him die inside.

As the roses lift their heads to catch, a glimpse of my demise, you'll be throwing lies around like ocean waves throw down the tides, and they are breaking on my shore, and the rescue team won't save me now, that I'm out too far. So I'll waste these nights for a while, but I'll be holding onto you, forever and this is where my heart is cold and torn as I read the words you wrote last night the butterflies are creeping through my spine..

I know you can do this MelonHead. And when you do, I'll stand and be like "I KNOW HIM!"



Monday, August 11, 2008

Confusing Moment Of The Week

So here I'm sitting, watching you fall, and I'm down on my knees. The tears are spilling, my face is blank. I'm blinking at your bitterness, stuttering at your warm heart. How can your heart be so warm, but your words so cold?

See, here's what happened. A friend of mine, whom I will rename MellonHead, is becoming something that isn't him. His words are so bitter, so empty, but his heart is so warm and loving. What happened to him? MellonHead and I have been best friends for a while now, and I never believed in pressing anyone to figure out what is on their minds. If they wish to tell me, they will. So I haven't pressured him. But his intentions are clouded, I can see through the fog though.

I can't tell what I should do. I'm guessing I should leave it be, and wait to see what happens. I mean, he used to be so cheery, so optemistic, and all of a sudden, literally over night, he became so cold. I won't speak for his other friends, but I'll speak for myself. I feel as though there's something holding him back from becoming who he used to be, I mean, the way he's acting is so, heartless. He acts more like an enemy than a friend.

But because MellonHead is so close to my heart, I can't tell what I should do. I'm torn between talking to him about it, leaving it be, or asking him about what's going on. I mean, I don't know. I can't try them all, can I? But I don't want to sit and say "What if I had.."

So I'm guessing that brings me down to two roads I could take. Talking to him or asking about what's going on. I've never been one to pressure people, so I'm guessing I should talk to him about how I'm feeling. It seems simple, don't it? But the fact is, I'm not so much concerned about his reaction or lack thereof, I'm more worried about what I would say.

Say what I feel right? But what do I feel? I've always had a problem with saying what I really mean. And this is one of those times that it really counts, and I don't want to screw this one up, because I only have one shot at this, and I want to hit the bullseye. But I'm not too sure if the arrow is straight. Am I really doing this for him? Or for me?

There's so much that's confusing me, and the more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm doing it for myself, but then again, more for him. And that leads me to think "Psh, who cares who I'm doing it for? It's got to be done, that's all there is to it, right?"

Sadly, I don't want to do this just for me, and I do want to influence change, but only if he's willing. It's so confusing! It's frustrating. But I'm sure he'll come to the decision he means to, and if he doesn't, I'm sure he'll try to fix that. But for now, I think I'll end up writing what I'm feeling, but I'll ask a friend of mine, Bruno, to help me out with how to decipher what I really mean.


Sunday, August 10, 2008


This afternoon, I had somewhat of an argument with a friend of mine. He messaged me, talking about a girl he liked, and how she had broken up with her boyfriend. I made the assumption that he would go on and on about how much he loved her, as he did the girl before her. So to avoid having to go through that, I said to him, "I really don't want to know. She broke up with her boyfriend, and that's their business. None of mine. Before you get all stalker-ish about her like you did the girl before you, please, don't talk about it at all. I don't want to know."

How rude I would think. But yet, he began to insult me, trying to annoy me, get a rise out of me. I smiled to myself and said, "You no longer have the power to hurt me."
He still went on calling me cruel, saying I shouldn't be so mean, that I shouldn't say that I don't care, and that I should be more considerate of his feelings.

Although I understood what he was saying, all I could think was "Who are YOU to call me cruel?" I wanted him to understand the difference between honestly and cruelty. Though his scales may be different, I felt he needed to know what mine looked like. So I replied his message which read, "Why do you have to be so cruel? I'm not stalker-ish or anything! You're so mean."

I replied, "Okay then, I hope you know, I'm not cruel, I just refuse to lie. I have the power to control my own actions, and I have the power to control what I do and do not hear of. I don't want to hear of how happy or sad you are about someone else's relationship. Don't get me wrong, I understand that because I said what I said, you feel I'm cruel. But I feel I'm honest. Would you rather me lie and say that I was so upset about it, when I wasn't?"

To which he replied, "Well you don't have to be so mean. I'm getting sick of everyone saying stuff like that to me! You guys are always calling me a stalker when I'm not!"

That's when I took a step back and realized that this argument wasn't about me, it was about how hurt he was. But me being so "cruel", I had no sympathy for him. I simply replied,"MMMKAY. Well here's the thing, why should my opinion matter to you? Why should my or anyone else's opinion change how you see yourself? I mean, my opinion is mine alone, it's not fact, nor fiction, it's just an opinion. I honestly think you're taking things a bit too far now."

The reason I said that he's taking things a little to far was because he was acting like some sort of stalker. He waited outside her classroom for her to come out every single class, and she would try to be nice, though she didn't like him that way, or so she said. He would whine about how he loved her and never got close to her. Who did he whine to? His friends, who wouldn't go to their friends when they're upset?

But let's get real, is it really cool that he would try to change himself to suit her, even though she had stated that she's not up for relationships right now? No, I don't think so. So because I made one comment, I was cruel? Because I stated my opinion when he had asked for it, I'm cruel? Because I spoke what I saw as the truth I was cruel? Because I didn't sugar coat things, I was cruel? No, I wasn't going to accept that.

He went on and on about how cruel I was, because I didn't feel sorry for everyone when something happened to them. But I just said to myself, "This is getting really pointless... Come to think of it, this whole argument isn't even about me, so why am I arguing, if he's not arguing with me?"

That's when I stated to him, "You know what? I'm not up for this. You're not arguing any valid points, nor are you arguing with me, so if you don't mind, I'm going to drop this. Pick your arguments with people that will uphold them, and then figure out who you're arguing with."

And I closed the window. I really was sick and tired of arguing with people.

I made a discovery today. That arguments take you nowhere. Especially when you're not arguing about the same thing. I was arguing my point, that he wasn't ready to accept. It's not even that he had to accept it, nor agree with it. He didn't have to do either. So I smiled at myself in the mirror, and realized that arguments bring me nowhere, I need not argue with anyone. I'm better off just walking away from it, and enjoying my day. So that's what I did.

I had a great, but short conversation with Bruno, and I'm so glad I did. I mean, Bruno helped me to realize this, but I didn't fully understand what he meant by if your needs are different, and they're not met, and a fight occurs, then nothing is going to happen. Today, I earned myself a full understanding of what he meant. After I walked away, I realized that Bruno helped me more than I thought. Usually, I would fight until I tore my opponent apart, but in this case, I left my "opponent" to vent all he wanted, just not at me. I decided that if he wanted to talk about something, he could do it without insulting anyone. So I sat and said, "If he wants to talk, he can when he's less upset." So that in itself, I've helped him, and myself.

So here, is where I'll take the opportunity to say thank you to Bruno LoGreco. You've made a HUGE difference in my life, and I'm so glad I met you. You're my best friend, my hug when I need one, and a slap in the face when I need to realize something. Thank you, I love you.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008


dHow can you expect me to smile,
When the taste of bile remains on my tongue?
How can you expect me to hug you,
When your arms were around her waist?
How can you expect me to kiss you,
When her lips were on your neck?
How can you expect me to trust you,
When you indulge in cheating?
How can you expect me to laugh,
When stones stay in my stomach?
How can you expect me to look you in the eye,
When your eyes are hungry for what I will not feed you?
How can you expect me to talk to you,
When her words are in your head?
How can you expect me to stay,
When you keep smacking me in the face?
How can you expect me to leave,
When I'm a part of you?
How can you expect me not to break your fradgile face,
When you keep beating me senseless?
How can you expect me to not doubt myself,
When you always seem to find someone better?
How can you expect me to bury my face in your chest,
When you don't care?
How can you expect me to smile?

How could I expect you to care,
Knowing you would let me down time and time again?
How could I trust you,
Knowing you would break it time and time again?
How could I hug you,
Knowing you would go somewhere and do something else?
How could I look you in the eye,
Knowing you're longing for someone better?

If I mean the world to you, why can't you treat me like you feel?
If you see us going far, why can't you let us go far?
If you want to be happy with me, why won't you let yourself be happy?
If you want to be with me, why can't you just be with me?
If you're comitted, why do you commit crimes in this relationship?
If you're with me, you know I'm one in a million, and you should treat me as so.

I'm a young woman, and I'm a princess. You should treat me as one, because you don't know how long I'll be here. You should love me the way you say you do, because I'm not all talk. Are you? Can you handle me? Can you stand the thought of me being upset at you? If it bothers you so much, why don't you stop doing things that make me upset? If self-doubt is what you wanted to give me, thanks a lot, I got it in the mail at one AM this morning. If I'm all you want, stop searching for someone else. If I'm all you make me up to be, why don't you stop tyring to make me someone else. If I'm your girl, why don't you just let me be just that?

Monday, July 28, 2008

But It's Better If You Do

To be honest, life as a pessimist is not all wilted flowers and broken bones. It’s just not all lilies and butterflies.
All I seem to see is the sadness, the negativity, all the things you hide yourself from.
All I am to you is a shield and a sponge. One to pull in all the sadness and negativity, and hold it there. Take the blows, so you don’t have to.
I may be apathetic sometimes, but that doesn’t matter. It’s just the fact that I am, not why I am.
I wish you would ask, so I could explain, but I guess you were never really good at deciphering the clues I drop, no matter how obvious.
The pain of payment, the spilled ink on this page, should show you how you condemn me to this hell, how I have endeavored over and over, running into walls, finding no means out of this predicament.
There is only one way for you to understand, the feeling of this hell, and that would be for you to go there on your own.

My heart aches, for this pain increases, my blood running faster, my heart beating rapidly against my chest, the beating drum echoing in my eardrums, the rush of blood filling the dead air. This hell, this box of insanity, oh how it pains me so. I watch as the both of you smile at your wickedness, I grimace as your voice echoes in my ribcage. All you seem to say these days, is something for me to do, a hello, just a hello, nothing more nothing less. Dead silence rests between you and I. The silence smiles at me, and I smirk back, realizing your game. If you think I’m going to trip over your “thin” thread and fall into your trap, I’m not going to. I can see in bright light, I can sense in darkness, I am a pessimist after all, all I see is negativity.

So tell me tall figure of authority, who are you? Who are you to tell me what I want? Who are you to smile at sadness? Who are you to turn your back on those who have done no wrong?

So there you stand, and here I will fight, your negativity. My apathetic views will vanish, and you will smile once more. But it’s better if you do.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

A taste of Molly's Labyrinth (Part one)

Where am I? This place is filled with wonders.. There's so many things to see here! I wonder where everyone is... Molly thought to herself as her blue eyes took in all the view had to offer. The grass was green and shimmering in the bright sun, the sidewalk was clean, the trees were standing tall, their leaves stretching out as if to shake your hand hello. The cherry trees flourished, with their cherry blossoms blowing in the wind, making the air sweet. The flowers smiled at the sun, their reds and yellows blended, their petals blew in the wind as if they were to dance. Molly's long black hair blew in the wind, causing her to squint in the bright light and wind. There's so much here! What's that over there? A house? Molly thought as she walked toward it. Her purple capris were all dirty from the day before, her white blouse soiled as well. As she approached the house, a young boy about her age sprinted inside. The house was two stories, its windows wide but small, and upon each windowsill there sat a small flower, a tulip, smiling at the sun. Molly knocked on the door, wondering if anyone were home, as all the windows showed her reflection.The door creaked open, and a boy, fourteen, her age, showed her inside. "Hi, I'm Molly, um, who are you, and where am I?" Molly asked the boy."Hey, I'm David, and this is Earth, where all of us are? That's the oddest question I've ever been asked!" David laughed. Molly stared at the boy, as the door closed, his hair perfectly swept to the right, his eyes a dazzling green, his teeth a perfect white. Her eyes widened as she noticed something shining below his lips, realizing that those were snakebites. She smirked, realizing his chisled cheekbones, his sculpted jawline. "Um, why are you staring at me? Come in, your room's waiting for you upstairs." David said, smiling."Huh? What? Uh, oh. Yeah. Okay!" Molly said, smiling back.More will be written later.

A Shard Of Jade - A little taste of Molly's Labyrinth(Part Two)

"Haha, so what brings you here, Molly?" David said, smirking."Um, I really don't know what brought me here, I don't even know how I got here! Why am I here?" Molly questioned, an inquisitive look on her face."Well, um, I could answer those questions, except, I don't know the answers. Haha. Thought I had some answers didn't you? Let's go." replied David as he pulled her by the hand up the four flights of stairs.
Molly looked around, her eyes widened as she stopped in front of the lavender door, white flowers hand painted onto it. She turned the knob, opened the door, looked over at David, whose face was blank, but his eyes had a certain sparkle to them. Molly walked into the room, to find it shifting its own furnature, to suit her likes. The bed was black, the celing was a hand painted night sky, the walls were painted like a valley, flowers and all, and it was all under that night sky celing.
"Wh-wha-wh-wh-w-w-WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!!" Molly stuttered, turning her head toward David, who laid his green eyes on her sparkling blue eyes. "Haha, you're kidding right?! Go lay down. I think you need to rest. You'll find clothes in the dresser over there." David purred, smiling.
Once David left, Molly got up off the bed and scrambled on the dark red wooden floor, looking at all the different things that suited her. She opened the closet to find that it was filled with Band t-shirts, black pants, skinny jeans of all colours, and a full length, three way mirror. She gasped and left the closet, scared. So she opened the dresser, to find the drawers filled with pajamas, and dress clothing. The pinstripe jumper caught her eye, so she picked it up, finding that it was much too big for her, but she went into the closet and changed anyway. As she stepped out of the closet, the jumper fit her perfectly, and she smiled to herself. As she was pulling on the shoes she came in, David walked into the room with a friend.
"Hey Molly, this is Jade. Jade, this is Molly." David said. "Hey, um. Nice to meet you." Jade said, extending his hand.
Molly's mouth nearly dropped as she feasted her eyes on Jade. His eyes, his body, his smile, his soft--
"Molly? You okay?" David said, raising an eyebrow.Molly shook her head, and shook Jade's hand, noticing his eyes were locked on hers. "Um, yeah. Hi..uh. Jade." Molly stuttered."Hey, I see you're kinda new here? Wanna go for a walk sometime?" Jade said, in his soft, british accent. "Where are we off to? You-- Hi." Molly cut herself off, afraid of embarrassing herself. Jade took her hand, "See you soon David, be back for dinner, I promise!"Molly smiled as Jade lead her down the stairs.