But It's Better If You Do

To be honest, life as a pessimist is not all wilted flowers and broken bones. It’s just not all lilies and butterflies.
All I seem to see is the sadness, the negativity, all the things you hide yourself from.
All I am to you is a shield and a sponge. One to pull in all the sadness and negativity, and hold it there. Take the blows, so you don’t have to.
I may be apathetic sometimes, but that doesn’t matter. It’s just the fact that I am, not why I am.
I wish you would ask, so I could explain, but I guess you were never really good at deciphering the clues I drop, no matter how obvious.
The pain of payment, the spilled ink on this page, should show you how you condemn me to this hell, how I have endeavored over and over, running into walls, finding no means out of this predicament.
There is only one way for you to understand, the feeling of this hell, and that would be for you to go there on your own.

My heart aches, for this pain increases, my blood running faster, my heart beating rapidly against my chest, the beating drum echoing in my eardrums, the rush of blood filling the dead air. This hell, this box of insanity, oh how it pains me so. I watch as the both of you smile at your wickedness, I grimace as your voice echoes in my ribcage. All you seem to say these days, is something for me to do, a hello, just a hello, nothing more nothing less. Dead silence rests between you and I. The silence smiles at me, and I smirk back, realizing your game. If you think I’m going to trip over your “thin” thread and fall into your trap, I’m not going to. I can see in bright light, I can sense in darkness, I am a pessimist after all, all I see is negativity.

So tell me tall figure of authority, who are you? Who are you to tell me what I want? Who are you to smile at sadness? Who are you to turn your back on those who have done no wrong?

So there you stand, and here I will fight, your negativity. My apathetic views will vanish, and you will smile once more. But it’s better if you do.